2002 GOP Brainstorming Session:

SCENE: SMOKY ROOM, JUST AFTER THE '02 ELECTIONS

"We can really get away with anything, can't we? Man, we should just do something totally crazy and see if anyone notices."

"OK, this'll be good. A plant in the White House press room asking fake questions."

"Make him a gay prostitute!"

[twitters]

"How about a Congressman sending obscene IMs to House pages from the floor during a vote?"

[raucous laughter]

"Head of a major church gets outed by his gay hooker meth dealer?"

"Funny, but the gay joke is getting old. At some point it's going to seem bigoted."

"How about we accuse the Democrats of gay-bashing when they go after the Congressman?"

"Brilliant!"

"Tell everyone Newt Gingrich was having an affair during the Clinton sex scandal."

"Have Trent Lott congratulate Strom Thurmond on his former presidential platform."

"Let's put the guy running the Arabian Horse Judging Association in charge of FEMA."

"What if there's a natural disaster or something?"

"That's just situational irony!"

"Let's invade a country and then staff the entire reconstruction agency with Young Republicans."

"Maybe a Presidential advisor could get fired for shoplifting."

"Wait! How about this? We send all of our emails through a totally illegal outside server, and then if the Democrats ask for them, we tell them we 'accidentally' deleted everything!"

[more laughter]

"So, would an 18-day gap in the emails be too obvious of a Watergate reference?"

"Wait, wait, here's a good one: the Vice President accidentally shoots his best friend in the face, then the friend apologizes to Cheney and his family."

"What? That doesn't even make any sense."

"It's absurdist humor!"

"Hey, let's put one of the Iran-Contra guys in charge of the Homeland Security Agency."

"Let's just release one of the Gitmo guys just for the hell of it. That'll totally blow people's minds."

"Aren't some of them terrorists? ...Kidding! Kidding!"

"OK, OK, everyone. Let's calm down now and get back to business, all right? We have a country to run here."